First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
