summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
