when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
