Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
