A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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