I cockslap morals
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
