how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
how drunk are you?
Several
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
