as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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