it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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