I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize