I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
