the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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