those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
