my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
