it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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