I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
