Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
