We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
