Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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