Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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