Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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