I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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