I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
