but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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