I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
