Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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