I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i've created a new STD.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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