Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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