i just wanna soil my oats bro
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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