apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
