Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
