Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
