OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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