My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you didnt know i had herpes?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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