So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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