I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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