he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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