Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
