Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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