i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
