He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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