suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
