Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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