based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
