I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
