I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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