so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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