Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
