Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
