Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
