I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
