ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Who died my cat blue again?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
