Kiss
Puke
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
