I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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