I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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