something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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