420 ftw
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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