I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."