my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to