I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls