my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
