its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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