tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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