I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
