we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
